Alex Lorraine is a bereavement volunteer at Collabria Care. She makes phone calls to the family of hospice patients close to key landmarks of time after their loved one has passed: approximately 3 weeks, 3 months, 6 months, 9 months and one year. The calls aim to check in with the families and to offer bereavement support services if they are wanted or needed. Alex notes that “sometimes people are interested in signing up for the groups or the individual counseling, but sometimes they just need to talk!”
Because Alex is used to making in-person connections, having a background in Reiki and even assisting at Collabria Care’s annual fundraising gala, she was surprised to realize what a joy it’d be to connect with people over the phone.
Tears came to her eyes as she recalled her favorite phone call experience. “After a day of getting almost entirely answering machines,” she remembers, “a man answered the phone in a very gruff way. I asked if I was speaking with Mr. So-and-so, and he said ‘Who wants to know?’” Alex shakes her head and smiles at the memory. “After I identified myself as from Collabria Care, there was a long pause and he said quietly, ‘How did you know?’” After talking for a few more minutes, the man revealed that that very day was his brother’s birthday, and he was just sitting at the kitchen table trying to figure out who he could call to talk about it. He was having trouble finding someone who would understand his loss. Eyes full of tears, she recalls that they talked for quite a while, and the man felt that she had been summoned by God to call him at that time. “I said, well, I don’t know about that,” Alex recalls. But the experience illustrated for her that “little things just happen like this that are serendipitous; they just make us realize that every little thing we do can make a big difference in the life of someone else. So little phone calls like that are miraculous.”
A lifelong volunteer, Ms. Lorraine has been with Collabria Care for nearly 3 years, which is a relatively short time in her estimation. But she is no stranger to death and loss. Her father died when she was four, her grandmother when she was ten, and as an adult she was involved in the decision to end life support for both her mother and her husband. Even though she had wanted to be involved with a hospice agency for a long time, she always kept putting it off for one reason or another. She signed up for volunteer training in 2013, and has been a champion for Collabria Care ever since.
“The training alone teaches you so much about yourself –about life and about death,” Alex says. “And the work here is powerful. It’s powerful and it’s strong and it brings up all kinds of different emotions.”
The cognitive and spiritual growth, as well as the social connections offered through volunteerism, are important factors in Ms. Lorraine’s plan for healthy aging in her own life. “My doctor says people ought to try to square the curve,” she says. She explains that “squaring the curve” means doing all within one’s power to make all of life full, healthy, happy, and complete, so that the end comes abruptly instead of ending in a bell curve of gradual decline. Alex says this is the goal, but she completely recognizes that there are many people who take the best care of themselves in all ways and still end up battling lengthy illnesses. She knows there are no guarantees. But she also knows she needs to do all that she can to make her life as full and productive as it can be, for as long as possible. “I have a belief that we need to give back,” she says. I consider myself very fortunate in so many ways. And when I think of squaring the curve, I think – am I keeping myself active and happy? It’s much better for me to be doing something, out here helping other people, than sitting on my couch at home, watching TV!”
Volunteering has also helped her meet many wonderful people. “Grumpy people don’t volunteer,” she has noticed. “They may have a bad day every once in a while, but they’re giving, nice people. That’s why they volunteer!” So the social aspect has been great fun for her, as well.
During her time with Collabria Care, Alex has provided Hospice respite, spiritual care, offered event support, and provided bereavement support – she even participated in improving the reporting system bereavement support uses. We’re grateful for Alex’s time and talent, and we look forward to the many ways she will continue to support Collabria Care and the community we serve.